The Pie Baker

Fresh from the Oven

Which Witch

As I perused the aisles of the party store, looking for the appropriate accoutrements for the Pie’s Halloween costumes, my eye was continuously drawn to the witch costumes. As many as four variations on the theme were available, or one could mix it up to customize a unique witch look. From childhood, my memories of witches conjure images of green mottled skin, a giant hooked nose and long talons. All witches back then seemed to accessorize with a skinny, hissing black cat, a flowing black dress and a tall pointed hat with a wide brim. The options at the costume store included the standard green cackler witch, the mysteriously sensuous witch, the one-humped crone witch and the perky, overtly sexual witch. I don’t remember ever dressing as a witch for All Hallow’s Eve, but this year, I definitely feel like I could pull it off.

Lately, I find myself wanting to possess the power of a witch: to fly unencumbered through the sky, avoiding the rush hour traffic and idiot drivers that act like they are the only ones traveling the road; to wave my hand and produce wads of cash with which to spend on practical, as well as frivolous, items; to speak a few lines of gibberish (most likely peppered with an F-bomb here and there) and bend others to my will – particularly my stubbornly opinionated daughter at bed time! I’ve sat through enough psychology courses to know that the underlying meaning is that I feel powerless in everyday life and want to gain some control of my environment. Yeah – I get that.

But what about all the other witches out there? Those everyday witches that aren’t dressed any differently than the average desperate housewife lurk in offices, restaurants, banks and even drug stores! There’s the Lawyer Witch that sneers at me as I smoke outside my office building; there’s the Neighbor Witch that always puts her trash in my yard to be picked up; there’s the Office Witch that squints at me as I enter the door and never has a pleasant thing to say.

One thing I have learned through all my years: even witches have a fatal vulnerability. It may be animals, or babies or chocolate or wine, or – as we famously know – water. Hey, maybe that’s what I need to control: the chances of encountering that one thing I know will do me in…for good.


October 29, 2009 - Posted by | Uncategorized


  1. I am a lawyer witch. I will join you in having a smoke and I will not smirk. My vulnerability is secretly smoking, actually. I only indulge occasionally, but I wish I could design a cigarette that delivered vitamins and minerals. Lack calcium? Smoke “Healthy Bones.”

    Comment by Julia | October 29, 2009 | Reply

  2. lol, Jackie. What about the “other” witches? You left those out. The ones who send you healing energy when you are sick…or would drop everything to come and help you if you needed it…or put love and health in every food item they serve…or who pass an emergency vehicle with their lights on and send a brief prayer to Divinity for everyone involved to be okay…or the ones who bless you secretly hoping that you get everything that you deserve in life…what about those witches? The ones who emulate Glenda more than Maleficent? WITCH EQUALITY, darn it! lol

    Comment by Nece | October 29, 2009 | Reply

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