The Pie Baker

Fresh from the Oven

After the Flood

Later that evening, as I prepared the Pie’s bath, my cell phone rang. I didn’t recognize the number, but knew that it was local, so I answered it. My heart fell at the sound of his voice. “Hey,” he said. How can that one syllable suddenly make my eyes water, my heart pound and my stomach want to empty itself? I heard loud noises and music in the background and determined that he was calling from a local bar. I sighed… knowing that he would never be any different than he was at that moment.

He wanted to see her. He asked me to meet him at his dad’s house, at a park, at my house or anywhere. He just wanted to see her. I told him I thought it was a bad idea. What I didn’t tell him is that I knew he would fall in love with her upon sight and I was afraid he would want to be involved in her life in some way. As I watched the Pie in the bathtub and spoke to her biological father on the phone, my mind raced in an attempt to decide the best course of action. My thoughts were interrupted by his voice…”You don’t need to tell her I’m her daddy,” he slurred.

I thought to myself: You are the LAST person I would want her to think is her dad. But what I said was, “You’re NOT her daddy. You’re her biological father and that’s where the story ends.”

”I have a right to see her,” he slurred.

In a flash, the path I was following in my mind twisted in on itself. I said, “Rights? Your name is not on her birth certificate, you have never shown any indication that you wanted to see her and you have NEVER provided one bit of support. You have no rights.”

“I just want to see her,” he repeated. But he couldn’t say why or what he hoped to accomplish by seeing her.

Just to get him off the phone, I agreed to think about it and told him to call me in a couple of days.

I have not heard from him since.


July 23, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | 1 Comment

Flood of Emotion

It was a day I had dreaded for the last two and a half years. I knew it would happen, I just didn’t know when. And after it was over, I felt like I had been kicked in the gut by a dozen coked-up donkeys.

It was a warm Wednesday morning and I stopped at a convenience store close to my home for breakfast. I make this stop every day. As I was filling my cup at the fountain drink station, I noticed a vaguely familiar face out of the corner of my eye. I averted my eyes and went on my way to the counter, but like Lot’s wife, I could not keep myself from turning around to confirm my worst suspicions. Yes, it was him…the Pie’s biological father.

As the blood rushed in my ears and my heart pounded frantically, I stood at the counter waiting to pay for my purchases and duck out the door without being spotted. I had lost sight of him somewhere near the eternally rolling hot dogs and as I turned to leave, I ran right into him. He was behind me, lurking like some predator near the candy display.

“Hey…” was his simple greeting as he presumptuously reached out to hug me. I stood glued to spot and with incredible wit and articulation, said, “Hey…” The requisite pleasantries ensued: “How have you been? Where are you working? ARE you working?” In my inimitable style, I just kept nodding my head and saying, “Good, good, we’re good.” All the while, I was trying to keep from losing control of my bowels and/or my stomach…something was about to bust somewhere and I needed to be prepared.

He asked, “Do you have a picture?” Knowing he wasn’t asking about me, I reluctantly showed him an adorable photo of his daughter. As he looked at it and smiled widely, the epiphany struck me that this was the first time he was ever laying eyes on her. She wore her brown and pink dotted dress and sporting a kicky pink bow in her fine blonde hair. I was about to lose it. “She’s gorgeous,” Captain Obvious said. “Yep,” I retorted. “She looks just like you,” he mumbled. “Yep,” I wittily replied. “Hope she got your smarts,” he added. And in all evidence to the contrary, I responded, “Yep.”

He asked if he could get in touch with me. I politely told him that I didn’t think it would be a good idea. That I didn’t want to get involved in any way and that it was best if we just went on about our lives. At least, I think that’s what I said, I was too busy worrying about those gastrointestinal noises I’m sure were rumbling like a freight train. He went on to tell me about his 4 DUI arrests in the past 2 years and how he was working at a nearby junkyard and some other babbling that I didn’t pay attention to. I believe I muttered something like, “I have to get to work.” Brilliant, right?

So he again reached out for a hug as I stood still, then we walked toward the gas pump. I actually had to remind myself to not watch him walk away. I entered my vehicle, took a deep breath, drove around the corner and proceeded to throw up what felt like everything I had ingested in the previous 5 days. It seemed as though I was purging myself of all the feelings that I had ever had for him – the anger, the hurt, the desire. It all flowed out of me in waves that detoxified me and left me feeling drained, yet somehow clean. As I vomited, I cried, but I don’t know why. Perhaps it was because I felt helpless and frustrated and shocked and surprised. Too many emotions at once is far too heavy a burden for the body to bear…

The day was only beginning and it was not the last of him….

July 1, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | 1 Comment