The Pie Baker

Fresh from the Oven

Aging Dis-Gracefully

I am 10 days into my 44th year on this planet and I seem to suddenly be crumbling apart. Currently I sport the following injuries: a cracked ankle bone, a torn elbow tendon, a torn meniscus in my knee and a sore back. I also am a walking dot-to-dot puzzle of bruises – many of which are of unknown origin – and I am experiencing muscle spasms in my left hand; chiefly, the index finger occasionally breaks out in a festive salsa routine or some such nonsense. The major injuries are results of several unrelated falls that are more embarrassing to share than the fact that I am old…so no such luck on that front.

I sucked it up and went to the doctor – CORRECTION, two doctors, who both basically said that I was getting older and these types of “aches and pains” are just part of it. Well, nobody hipped me to that, dude! With medical progress such that it is, isn’t there something that can be done to eliminate – hell, even alleviate – my pain? Their suggestions? Wear a brace on my ankle; cortisone shot in the elbow; consider surgery for the knee and lose some weight to take strain off my back. The only real result was from the shot and it feels like normal, but I doubt it will last the full 8 weeks I was promised. And how can I wear a brace with cute shoes in this nice, warm weather??? Surgery is out of the question for a while – at least until the Pie is a little more self-sufficient. And lose weight? Tell me how to do that with no time to exercise, no money to buy healthy food and no time to cook said food? How about I just stay fat, mmmmkay?

Plus, I am now taking a total of 4 prescriptions on regular daily basis. One pill is for high blood pressure, one for hyperinsulinemia, one for cholesterol and one for anxiety and depression. It looks like I need to invest on one of those plastic pill boxes that my 80 year old father uses to keep track of his meds. Have I really sunk that far? I don’t want my day to revolve around swallowing pills…”take the brown capsule with breakfast, take the little orange one and the little white one with lunch and don’t forget to take the little blue one at bedtime!” I mean…the pharmacist is becoming my new best friend!

People tell me that I don’t look my age and with the advent of the Pie, I don’t think I act it either. But my body is betraying me a little bit more everyday. My complexion is changing, as is my hair…it pains me to admit that it now takes me twice as long to look half as good as I used to! I have given up thoughts of dating since I don’t really care anymore about finding a man – I’ve lived this long on my own, so why mess with the status quo? However, I do sometimes consider finding my car in the parking lot “getting lucky” – does that count?


May 20, 2009 - Posted by | Uncategorized

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