The Pie Baker

Fresh from the Oven

The Traffic Jam

I don’t live in a huge city of millions located on either coast or in a bustling industrial metropolis, but I do live in a Midwestern city that features roads that are constantly under construction; detours, slow-downs and back-ups are a common occurrence. In our fair city, we are woefully in need of decent, affordable public transportation. This fact is evidenced by the large numbers of idiot drivers I encounter on any given day.

Almost all of the ridiculous driving habits I observe are executed by members of one or more of a certain club. These clubs are determined and named by me, so there’s no quiz at the end to see what kind of driver you are….you probably know if you belong in one of these clubs. If you don’t, SHAME on you!

THE INCH-INNERS
You know these people. They are leaving a parking lot and slowly inching out into the standing traffic, hoping you will let them out. Inch by inch, they worm their way into the tiny hole between you and the car in front of you until the first 18 inches of their car is just hanging out there – almost daring you to press the accelerator and run into it. My advice to them? Wait your turn!

THE SPEED DEMONS
Every morning on my way to work, I am baffled by the number of cars that speed past me on the expressway. The speed limit is 65, but some of these vehicles are clearly going 80-90 miles an hour. They weave in and out of the lines of cars in an attempt to get 6 feet closer to their destination. I wonder if those drivers think we are just all knuckleheads waiting in one place for traffic to abate while they speed by in their Honda hybrids and toss a glance. Hope I don’t see them sprawled on the pavement a few miles down the road.

THE NON-BLINKERS
I am relatively certain that all vehicles manufactured and on the road today come with turning indicators as standard equipment. Is it such a physical burden to move the stick up or down to warn fellow drivers that you’re about to make a turn or lane change? Surely, all those people don’t have inoperable blinkers, right? Did they miss that day in Drivers Education class that instructed the use of the blinker? In the name of all that is holy, USE YOUR BLINKERS, PEOPLE!

THE CHEATERS
You people really piss me off! You wait until the last second to merge into a lane. You zoom through an intersection after the light turns red. You park sideways across two parking spaces because you don’t want your precious baby to get scratched. (If this is you, you have some serious issues!) You change lanes in the middle of an intersection. One way or another, you manage to bend or downright break rules and guidelines of respectable traffic behavior. You are cheating. And cheaters never prosper…

THE ROAD OWNERS
Just because you paid more money for your vehicle than I earn in 2 years and just because your vehicle was manufactured outside the United States and just because your vehicle uses diesel fuel, does NOT mean that you own the road. You may own a lot of stuff: boats, McMansions, indoor pools, summer homes, country club memberships, even half the community – but you do not own the road. There are other people out there who have a right to drive, have been licensed by the state to do so and are exercising their free will to take their lives in their hands and drive on the same road as you people! Pay attention to those around you who may not have a sparkling new crossover, ATV, SUV, Hummer, Lexus BMW or Mercedes. We are people, too!

Can’t we all just get where we’re going without getting outraged? Can’t we all just drive along?

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April 28, 2009 - Posted by | Uncategorized

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