The Pie Baker

Fresh from the Oven

Toddlers, Tiaras and Tantrums

I have, on at least 2 occasions, been subjected to the horror that is the TLC show “Toddlers and Tiaras.” My stomach churns at the sight of little girls – some still in diapers – glammed and painted up and made to strut their tiny stuff for judges. I will admit to watching with rapt attention as pre-pubescent girls have their legs shaved, their eyebrows waxed, spray tanned, teeth whitened, hair teased to within an inch of its life and are taught to bounce and flirt for the judges.

However, I am stunned at the number of women who enter their daughters into these pageants with the hope of someday winning Miss America. Most of them are washed up pageant rejects themselves who never made it past the Little Miss Cow Catcher title when she was 8 and who wants to impose her dreams upon her daughter…or grandaughter. Others are those who were never quite “pretty” enough for pageants and she thinks her daughter is beautiful despite the dull dishwater hair, the wide nose and the love handles spilling out over the bottom of her swimsuit. Because it’s what on the inside that really matters, right! Well, in this case, only if your insides are gorgeous!

I was gobsmacked (I love that word) at the sight of a 4 year old girl with some ridiculously spelled name in Kentucky that repeatedly told her own father to “shut up.” I suppose that she could be called what some people refer eupemistically to as “precocious,” but in reality, the girl should be called a spoiled brat. Her mother spends hundreds of dollars on dresses, custom outfits, professional hair and make-up and coaching for her daughter to ultimately be encouraged in that behavior.

One mother interviewed on the show said she wouldn’t do it if her daughter, Paisley Saint Cloudybottom, or something else equally precious, no longer wanted to participate in pageants. But a few segments later, Mom is shown struggling with the littlest Cloudybottom to get her dressed and shod. Little Paisley apparently didn’t want to go on stage, she wanted to relax and read a book! (God love little Paisley Saint Cloudybottom!) The mom eventually had to wrestle the girl into her dress and shoes and drag her out onto and around the stage. Imagine that beautiful sight! It makes me throw up in my mouth a little just thinking about it!

Another specimen in this trainwreck was little Story (seriously people, I think we’re taking this whole “a noun is a person, place or thing” deal a bit too far…but I digess. Little story is 6 years old and is a seasoned veteran of pageants, having started in the 0-24 month category of a local Tiny Miss Apple Cheeks or something. Don’t get me started on that! As we join Story in her prepration for the big day, we see her undergoing teeth whitening – what teeth she does have – and getting her hair jacked to Jesus with the addition of “wiglets.” I haven’t heard that term since the 1960s when my mom employed them for special occaisions or Eastern Star meetings! Her mother and grandmother were her coaches who drilled her to stand up straight, smile, and twirl, side-step, do-se-do and make kissy-pouty faces for the judges. On pageant day, this truly adorable little girl was transformed into a plastic-looking dolly that spun and twirled and looked as if she had overdosed on Xanax! I actually found myself getting teary at the sight of what she had turned into.

I think pageants such as these should be stopped. Nothing good can come from this! I’d be interested to know if any of the recent past Miss America’s started out in the Itty-Bitty Doll Baby Pageants. My bet? Not one. And we all know what happened to Jon Benet Ramsey! I’m just sayin…..


March 13, 2009 - Posted by | Uncategorized

1 Comment »

  1. I agree with you that these types of pageants aren’t good for some little girls. Some of the girls are complete horrors, but that’s the fault of the parents. I know a lot of people are against pageants for good reasons, on a case to case basis, I think pageants can be a good thing. I didn’t have a lot of confidence in myself as a child. I was a girly girl. I wanted to be a singer/dancer, but didn’t even have enough confidence to try out for the high school talent shows. The pageants on the show are high glitz pageants. This is what the parents choose. There are other pageants, that encourage girls to be poised and intelligent, and not make kissy faces to the judges.

    Comment by Dainty Darlings | October 30, 2009 | Reply

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