The Pie Baker

Fresh from the Oven

The Styrofoam Blizzard of ’09

My father has quite the penchant for purchasing new and exciting merchandise advertised in 30 minute blocks on television. One of his favorites is some space-age contraption that can cook a side of beef in about 45 minutes…or some such silly claim. The original is about the size of a bread machine and supposedly cooks with convection and highly focused brain waves of aliens to “cook” the meat…whatever. There are other items he proudly displays on his kitchen counter, but that’s an entirely different subject!

In any event, he recently upgraded his “Flavorwave Turbo Oven Cooker Thingamajigg” and decided I needed his cast off. He carefully and lovingly packed in a box with large chunks of styrofoam to protect it from the possibility of any undue jostling while in transit to my little home. And, after a week of riding in the trunk of my car like a kidnap victim, I allowed it to enter my kitchen. Without giving it one thought…not one…I dropped the styrofoam pieces on the living room floor and removed the various components from the box. Keep in mind that I have a highly inquisitive and active toddler living with me. Here’s where it gets good….I took the oven imposter to the kitchen to assemble and clean up…took about 8-10 minutes. Upon my return to the living room, my eyes did one of those Tex Avery cartoon “AH-OO-GAH” things as they surveyed the tiny bits of styrofoam covering the furniture, walls and floor. The foam pieces has suffered a terrible demise at the hands of my darling daughter their tiny spirits were strewn about my living room. Because of the temperate weather, we had opened the windows and front doors, so at this point every light breeze and hearty gust caused the styrofoam corpses to rise and dance their haunting reel. The following words entered my head: “Don’t shake the baby”. It’s good to have that rational side step in during situations such as these…that’s all I’m sayin’.

So, I busted out the vacuum and attempted to suck up all the slivers but soon discovered that those little buggers have no substance, so they just float and fly about like that feather in Forest Gump. Oh, and all this time, my adorable child ran about the living room covered in those sticky, insubstantial bits and felt the compulsion to roll on everything in her path….like a puppy marking its territory! At one point, I actually told her to go stand outside in the yard. As she stood there, looking at me with confused, storm-colored eyes, the bits flew from her in a way the looked not unlike reverse camera work in a movie. So I made her stay out there until I managed to get the bulk of the mess cleaned up.

The remaining hour and a half was spent with duct tape folded over an old Swiffer pole jabbed and stabbed under the sofa, the rocking chair and the table to collect the itty bitty, teeny tiny bits of hell so I could banish them from our small, but clean, home. Now, I need to schedule an appointment with someone to address the Pie’s anger issues toward styrofoam.


March 9, 2009 - Posted by | Uncategorized

1 Comment »

  1. LOVE this, hon! lolol!! Joshua once hid a plastic peanut for DAYS because I am so quick to remove them all from our home and he wanted to play with it. lol!

    Comment by Nece | March 9, 2009 | Reply

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