The Pie Baker

Fresh from the Oven

Continuing Education

As a middle aged first-time mom, I have gained perspective on a number of things and discovered that any hope of ever being completely dry again is long gone. Additionally, my motherhood is of a singular nature, so there is no one to watch the baby while I go to the bathroom or play with her while I catch just another 5 minutes of sleep.

The man who helped me make my Pie left in the 5th month of my pregnancy and never looked back. We were not married – in fact had not been dating for very long – when I discovered I was pregnant, and he had another family that he didn’t pay much attention to anyway, so I knew he was not in for the long haul. I struggle financially every day, but I know that his absence is the best thing for both me and my daughter.

People are bound to say, “What’s the matter with you? A 40 year old woman not using birth control?” Well, I had not used birth control for years and never got pregnant, and I also endured some issues with fibroids as well, so I never imagined that getting pregnant was even an option. He had a damaged testicle from an unfortunate lawn mower accident, and wasn’t sure he was fertile anymore, so in the grand scheme of things, we thought we were in the clear. However, as in the math world, two negatives made a positive…on the pee stick, and I was faced with a decision.

I had never really wanted to have children – didn’t feel the biological clock ticking – and felt I was satisfied with my life without motherhood. Knowing I would not have a partner to help raise the child made me panic so I made an appointment at a clinic to have the pregnancy terminated. I made him go with me to the clinic, so he could get some idea of what I was about to do. I felt he needed to take some sort of responsibility for the situation. Upon my examination, they determined that I was almost 14 weeks pregnant – about 2 weeks past the “first trimester” stage where the procedure was relatively simple. I would have to return for the two-day procedure which was apparently more painful and a little more complicated. I was also shown an ultrasound of a little wad of something living inside my belly and decided immediately that I would not see the inside of that clinic again.

So a few months later, I gave birth to a beautiful and healthy baby girl that changed my life in the most wonderful way. I never knew I could love so profoundly; never knew that a cry could shatter my heart or that a laugh could melt it. That’s just a few of the things I’ve learned in my old age!

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March 2, 2009 - Posted by | Uncategorized

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